Uni starts up again tomorrow, my last three subjects. But hooollly crap it is going to suck, PURELY because of composition 6. I have no ideas, I am forcing out shit and trying to make it work. My teacher will be so disappointed, and I will be disappointed, but I just don’t have that spark. I lost it long ago. I blame it on uni. Being forced to write music not the way I wanted to crushed my love for it. It was supposed to broaden my horizons, but in the end it just put me off it. I was always stressing about assignments, and then I’d go to write music, not because I wanted to, because I had to. Or I’d write first, and then feel pressure to get it done quickly to finish other assignments. I enjoyed parts of it, but most of it was just a ticking clock. I kind of hate it now. It doesn’t come naturally anymore. I occasionally sit down and put in a quick idea I had, but that is so rare. Studying music has actually put me off writing it. But I won’t have to worry about that soon. Just thirteen weeks more.
This is actually killing me on the inside - having my composition course put me off composition. I remember how much I wanted to do it, and now I don’t want to do it at all. At least I don’t think I’m alone, I’m sure I’ve heard artists say the same thing about their art courses.
Oh well, off to continue reading through the first Harry Potter. I’m finding it hard to read it again (think of how many times you’ve read that book) but I want to keep going. I’m finding a chapter here and there is the way to do it. But that is off topic. Time to smother myself in blankets.